St. John Journal Entry: The Hapless Hockey Confederates

Written by the Mickey Dupere, the fictitious St. John Journal' hockey scribe:

Losers of their last six contests, the hapless Charlottetown Confederates look for better luck (three post-ringers in the third period last night against the Bridgeport Barnums) when they play the St. Andrews Beaverbrooks this weekend. The Feds will need to shore up their team defense; it's like one PEI Islander commented to this reporter: "They're running around like a fart in a mitten."

Etiolated: Weak Imported Play and Vegetables

The Beaverbrooks, 0-5 losers to the Atlantic Puffins, left St. John's with a favorable impression of the local hockey team, as well as the music and pub scene, but the team was less impressed with its weak performance and the days-old etiolated imported vegetables. (Newfoundland can grow stout hockey players, but the province's acidic and stony soil aren't conducive to cultivating first-rate greens.)

Brown Study: Insight into Despair

During his spiritual and emotional demise, Seamus fell into a brown study, a self-absorbed funk that isolated him from his family, the fourth estate and his teammates.