St. John Journal Entry: The Hapless Hockey Confederates

Written by the Mickey Dupere, the fictitious St. John Journal' hockey scribe:

Losers of their last six contests, the hapless Charlottetown Confederates look for better luck (three post-ringers in the third period last night against the Bridgeport Barnums) when they play the St. Andrews Beaverbrooks this weekend. The Feds will need to shore up their team defense; it's like one PEI Islander commented to this reporter: "They're running around like a fart in a mitten."

Etiolated: Weak Imported Play and Vegetables

The Beaverbrooks, 0-5 losers to the Atlantic Puffins, left St. John's with a favorable impression of the local hockey team, as well as the music and pub scene, but the team was less impressed with its weak performance and the days-old etiolated imported vegetables. (Newfoundland can grow stout hockey players, but the province's acidic and stony soil aren't conducive to cultivating first-rate greens.)

Brown Study: Insight into Despair

During his spiritual and emotional demise, Seamus fell into a brown study, a self-absorbed funk that isolated him from his family, the fourth estate and his teammates.

King of the Caterwaul: Alpie Pommeraie

Andrew de La Pommeraie, the short Providence Sterlings forward with the league's longest last name, eluded many a defender. Quick as a caffeinated cat, for sure. But in the rare instance an opponent mashed him against the boards or knocked him to the ice, "Alpie" (as his teammates called him), would caterwaul to the officials.

Riposte: Verbal Fencing in the Locker Room

The banter in the Beaverbrooks locker room, highlighted by Benoit's good-natured attack on Ambrose Bishop's lack of foot speed and the subsequent riposte—Bishop changing the subject— made Seamus J. O'Sheehan forget his scoring slump.

 

Thimblerig: Sleight of St. John's

Seamus J. O'Sheehan and the Lady Beaverbrooks strolled along George Street, where live music streamed from the nearly two dozen pubs. While his younger teammates scanned the St. John's Christmastime festival for pretty maidens, Seamus found himself drawn to the sleight-of-hand artists, for the thimbleriggers seemed like the carnival equivalent of hockey players who juked and jived past would-be defenders.

Nobby: Kieran's Attire in Chic Montreal

Kieran was no snob, yet he enjoyed wearing a nobby hat and tie when visiting Quebec, on business, and to attend a Canadiens game at Le Forum de Montréal.